casual reminder to landlords everywhere that I require consent before being peed on.
pumpkin spice candles soon
pumpkin lattes soon
PETCO HAS TINY DOG COSTUMES AND HALLOWEEN BANDANAS IT’S HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE. THROW DOWN THE PSPICE LIKE MANNA FROM HEAVEN.
i’m really glad i lost a follower because the number is good again.
i thought it was about how a lot of people who knew nothing about bdsm now think that that’s what bdsm is cuz it’s such a “famous” book it must know what it’s talking about? I thought that’s what people were really iffed about
Well yeah, but it’s also kinda the same thing.
Like, most of the famous works dealing with “alternative” sexuality literally discuss 100% nothing about negotiation, dynamics, consent, safety. I’ve not been interested in 50 Shades but some of the things people say? Could be said about The Story of O…younger woman, gets kinda whirled up into this lifestyle where her older male lover decides everything she does, signs some dubious ‘contract’, lives in some secret house where she is forcibly trained for obedience, I remember reading it and being taken by surprise by how little she verbally consents to anything, her internal narration (well, third person narration) suggests a lot of things, she’s into it sometimes, but sometimes she is thinking about how she just wants to please him, is not allowed to refuse, and would be punished for resisting. Sure if she was playing about it (and actually had a way to break the scene if she wanted, but she doesn’t) if she was to actively consent to it…but he’s just like “You’re mine now and I get to do whatever or I’ll leave you”, she doesn’t negotiate sex by saying “I’d like this to happen to me or be pushed beyond what I can handle and have my lifestyle radically changed to be your 24/7 slave” he just comes along and does it.
And that’s all fine from a fantasy perspective, because for a lot of people sex, even fairly tame, basic sex, is such an awkward thing with so much cultural stigma that it’s a relief for someone to just drop into your life and do it to you, break your inhibitions, all that.
But O is a fairly well known book, and has been widely read, and also had it’s moment of sensationalism. But people, without critique, list it as a “kinky must-read” (while there is kinda a negative connotation with having liked 50 …like being into vampire fiction after being introduced to it via Twilight) Of course O is probably more famous and popular, currently, within the BDSM scene (inspiring everything from roleplay scenarios, nightclub names, jewellery, and pride emblems) but that somehow makes it…worst? Not everything is dripping with Story of O paraphernalia, but like 120 days or Venus in Furs it’s one of those novels (novellas?) that is conjured up in write-ups about kinky sex and is frequently linked to…but, again, like 50 it doesn’t really Actually Talk About BDSM (let alone accurately depict how Super Formal D/s Dynamics initiate, or start in any ideal sense of the term)…but it’s gained whatever cultural legitimacy it needs to be “just harmless fantasy erotica” and not “something we need to mock and rag on about and distance ourselves from”.
All in all, I don’t think being upset/not impressed with 50 is a bad thing, just that I wish there was more pro-active motions coming from people instead of winging about it, which probably serves more to alienate fans of the fictional work from getting more involved with actual, accurate information (because all they hear is gripe and blather about how they are “stupid” for liking a “terrible” book, instead of emphasis on the aspects that need to be taken as fantasy, and things that should be redflags if they happened in real life.) I just feel that people could promote good information, or make fiction that could be just as appealing but also educational, without deriding someone else’s potential “in” to their own sexual understanding.
When people complain about 50 Shades, I wonder if they have ever read The Story of O, or 120 Days of Sodom, or any trashy kinky bodice-ripper or trashy erotica anthology before.
I mean, esp when people involved it “THE SCENE” complain…like, we all know what is fantasy and what is reality…what a piece of fetish erotica is and what an S&M 101 primer is (or so we’d hope)…is the problem that it became a “popular, mass consumer” book? If it stayed squirrelled away on fanfic.net or the dusty “Anthology” section of a bookstore, would we care as much about the bad consent, incorrect portrayal of BDSM/kink, and whatever else?
I doubt it.
Fetish fiction, fetish fantasy, fetish non-fiction, fetish scene reports, and fetish sex education are all different genres. Maybe instead of wangsting that 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t teach the vanilla-locked readers how to “properly” have kinky sex, people who already know some shit should advocate for kinky sex educational materials, recommend books and spaces, and create our own that do it better than the ones before so that when curious-but-clueless “normal people” put down 50 Shades they don’t make the same bullshit mistakes we made, or worst.
That’s it, that’s all I think about anything to do with 50 Shades of Grey.