i thought it was about how a lot of people who knew nothing about bdsm now think that that’s what bdsm is cuz it’s such a “famous” book it must know what it’s talking about? I thought that’s what people were really iffed about
Well yeah, but it’s also kinda the same thing.
Like, most of the famous works dealing with “alternative” sexuality literally discuss 100% nothing about negotiation, dynamics, consent, safety. I’ve not been interested in 50 Shades but some of the things people say? Could be said about The Story of O…younger woman, gets kinda whirled up into this lifestyle where her older male lover decides everything she does, signs some dubious ‘contract’, lives in some secret house where she is forcibly trained for obedience, I remember reading it and being taken by surprise by how little she verbally consents to anything, her internal narration (well, third person narration) suggests a lot of things, she’s into it sometimes, but sometimes she is thinking about how she just wants to please him, is not allowed to refuse, and would be punished for resisting. Sure if she was playing about it (and actually had a way to break the scene if she wanted, but she doesn’t) if she was to actively consent to it…but he’s just like “You’re mine now and I get to do whatever or I’ll leave you”, she doesn’t negotiate sex by saying “I’d like this to happen to me or be pushed beyond what I can handle and have my lifestyle radically changed to be your 24/7 slave” he just comes along and does it.
And that’s all fine from a fantasy perspective, because for a lot of people sex, even fairly tame, basic sex, is such an awkward thing with so much cultural stigma that it’s a relief for someone to just drop into your life and do it to you, break your inhibitions, all that.
But O is a fairly well known book, and has been widely read, and also had it’s moment of sensationalism. But people, without critique, list it as a “kinky must-read” (while there is kinda a negative connotation with having liked 50 …like being into vampire fiction after being introduced to it via Twilight) Of course O is probably more famous and popular, currently, within the BDSM scene (inspiring everything from roleplay scenarios, nightclub names, jewellery, and pride emblems) but that somehow makes it…worst? Not everything is dripping with Story of O paraphernalia, but like 120 days or Venus in Furs it’s one of those novels (novellas?) that is conjured up in write-ups about kinky sex and is frequently linked to…but, again, like 50 it doesn’t really Actually Talk About BDSM (let alone accurately depict how Super Formal D/s Dynamics initiate, or start in any ideal sense of the term)…but it’s gained whatever cultural legitimacy it needs to be “just harmless fantasy erotica” and not “something we need to mock and rag on about and distance ourselves from”.
All in all, I don’t think being upset/not impressed with 50 is a bad thing, just that I wish there was more pro-active motions coming from people instead of winging about it, which probably serves more to alienate fans of the fictional work from getting more involved with actual, accurate information (because all they hear is gripe and blather about how they are “stupid” for liking a “terrible” book, instead of emphasis on the aspects that need to be taken as fantasy, and things that should be redflags if they happened in real life.) I just feel that people could promote good information, or make fiction that could be just as appealing but also educational, without deriding someone else’s potential “in” to their own sexual understanding.
When people complain about 50 Shades, I wonder if they have ever read The Story of O, or 120 Days of Sodom, or any trashy kinky bodice-ripper or trashy erotica anthology before.
I mean, esp when people involved it “THE SCENE” complain…like, we all know what is fantasy and what is reality…what a piece of fetish erotica is and what an S&M 101 primer is (or so we’d hope)…is the problem that it became a “popular, mass consumer” book? If it stayed squirrelled away on fanfic.net or the dusty “Anthology” section of a bookstore, would we care as much about the bad consent, incorrect portrayal of BDSM/kink, and whatever else?
I doubt it.
Fetish fiction, fetish fantasy, fetish non-fiction, fetish scene reports, and fetish sex education are all different genres. Maybe instead of wangsting that 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t teach the vanilla-locked readers how to “properly” have kinky sex, people who already know some shit should advocate for kinky sex educational materials, recommend books and spaces, and create our own that do it better than the ones before so that when curious-but-clueless “normal people” put down 50 Shades they don’t make the same bullshit mistakes we made, or worst.
That’s it, that’s all I think about anything to do with 50 Shades of Grey.
i made an artporn sideblog, to put the shit that gives me some pause about posting on my main artblr…idk howi feel but i gave it a cute name so.
*WAITS UNTIL LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE TO TRANSFER DOMAIN TO NEW REGISTRAR**HYPERVENTILATE*
Also it’s totally possible to be trans inclusive and accepting (and existing…) WHILE also holding that our cultural associations about gender, sex, etc, are totally constructed by society, and that arbitrary gender assignment based on any of these things needs to be abolished (that’s what “abolish gender” typically means; that the cultural associations [roles] we assign to certain attributes or interests of any individual needs to be seen for what they are…also why “abolish gender roles” is probably gaining more curacy, esp in trans lead/focused/inclusive circles, because it focuses harder on the problem [arbitrary role assignment] rather than sounding accusatory of the individual’s gender [which, ideally, would be self-defined and not about how many “man points” and “woman points” they’ve achieved] — I mean if a TERF *really* wanted to abolish gender how does that not preclude fascist nullification of any gender or sexual difference/expression, thus making any distinction about any individual’s trans or cis status a moot point, or are people seriously willing to fight for biological essentialism from a feminist perspective!? [ofc they are but it seems so mistaken] ASIDE OVER)
Anyway it is via this line of thinking that we get to the ~radical notion~ that you alone get to determine the gender and sex of your body, what you are allowed to call what, and how your body, person, gender, should be socially understood. I.E., trans women are women so they are women; they get to call themselves “woman” because they are women; things trans women do are things women do; the gender presentations of trans women are the gender presentations of women; and any tally of “woman’s issues” should include issues that are specific to women who are trans, not just women who are cis. (and not just FAAB people involved in feminist and/or women’s issues/spaces.)
I’ll just hand-wave my sources at the body of trans social and feminist thought that exists. Hand wave to wiki, which gives us this:
I’ve heard exclusionary, eradicating, and erasing, and you know what? Same difference.
By excluding trans women from feminism, one is effectively eradicating them. By saying “I don’t care about the violence you face as a trans woman” either through disbelief or ignoring their situation, one becomes part of the system that perpetuates that violence. By saying trans women are “really men,” that’s actively harmful. By saying trans women’s issues are irrelevant to feminism, that’s actively harmful. Whether by their own hand or someone else’s, trans people in general and trans women in particular face an amount of violence that we can’t exclude from the issues of the feminist movement, can’t erase from the feminist movement, without the result being effectively eradicating them.
It is hateful to tell trans women that they aren’t women. It’s just as bad as telling lesbians we just need a good dicking or telling women to get back in the kitchen. Bigotry is bigotry. I’m sure your friends have some other wonderful qualities, but that particular one is incredibly ugly and don’t make excuses for it.
Transfeminism includes all major themes of third wave feminism, including diversity, body image, and women’s agency. Transfeminism is not merely about merging trans concerns with feminism. It also includes critical analysis of second wave feminism from the perspective of the third wave. Like all feminisms, transfeminism critiques mainstream notions of masculinity and argues that women deserve equal rights. Lastly, transfeminism shares the unifying principle with other feminisms that gender is a patriarchal social construct used to oppress women. Although the “trans” in transgender and transsexual has been used to imply transgressiveness.
So, in sum, being third-wave/third-wave influenced, being radical, being feminist, are in no way exclusive, excusing, or monolithicly preclusive of excluding and erasing trans women from feminist thought, theory, history, or society.
naked smoothies are my guilty pleasure. I say that because I buy them even if I have all the ingredients to make my own stuff at home. Lazy. ftw.
i’ve rarely lived a lifestyle where i owned/had access to a blender, and honestly they are loud and scare me. but. yes. also i used to live off of them no joke, haha. but then i realized they were a pretty expensive habit to keep up.
the notebook problem: you see a notebook. you want to buy the notebook. but you know you have like TEN OTHER NOTEBOOKS. most which are STILL EMPTY. you don’t need to notebook. you’re probably not gonna use the notebook anyway. what’s the point? DONT BUY THE NOTEBOOK. you buy the notebook.
also read “still empty” as “you wrote/drew something in it once but decided it was too
stupid and has now leeched through all the pages ruining the whole atmosphere of the book”, “You left the last quarter of the book blank to match the first quarter”, “You dedicated, foolishly, the book to an unrelentingly specific project or purpose that you are not currently motivated to continue, buying a new book will help you ‘free-up’ your creative mind…”, and my fave for writing books “you literally cannot read your own handwriting and 2/3rds of the time you are not even attempting to make legible marks because ‘it’s the feeling’, and writing longhand for prolonged periods tires your hand out and exacerbates your repetitive strains and makes it hard to turn around and draw; FOR THESE REASONS IT HAS BEEN DECIDED TYPING IS THE PREFERRED TEXTUAL INPUT METHOD, but okay, sure, go buy another effing notebook you cock.”
ohhhh gooddd i put this naked smoothiebev in the freezer for like 20 min and it’s now actually partly frozen like a proper smoothie?? and it is.